The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
