What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I will be naked everywhere
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
