i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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