She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
