Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
