i permit you to call me
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
