OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
