Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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