Heybabeimwearingurpanties
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
