Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I pour the whiskey from now on
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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