you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
