Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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