dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
