What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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