Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
