Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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