Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
