so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
