I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
