Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
