bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Randomize
