You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
