So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
