You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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