Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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