Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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