Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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