i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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