Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
