Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
