she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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