Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
