I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
