This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
