Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
