Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
