Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
