Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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