im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
