I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
