u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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