Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
