If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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