nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
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