So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
These tits shall not be calmed
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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