he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
