is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
