do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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