I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
