it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
3pm strippers are depressing
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
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