I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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