Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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