I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
