guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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