First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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